Sealing Shenanigans
by VentingNonsense
Summary: So a time-traveling seal-master Uzumaki girl with Byakugan eyes, a blind part-Uchiha swordsman from Mist, and a Rinnegan-wielding Senju meet up at a bar. This is either the worst joke in history or the build-up to something really, really stupid. Probably both. (This is one of those stories that feature ridiculously overpowered characters. I'm sorry.)
1. Meet the Family

**Author's Note and Disclaimer:** Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto and Shonen Jump. The main three characters are mine, though.

You will see the use and overuse of various clichés in the Naruto fandom that were once popular, and still probably are; that is _intentional_, and not every world will be the same.

I gave up making them act like they're Japanese, since I'm very blatantly not. I've put in a minimum amount of research into this chapter, but since most of it was inspired by my own experiences at a bar, I didn't feel the need to try to get anything accurate. (Then, of course, the small fact that the entire story is just stupid in the first place...)

Sexual escapades between two of the main characters are between minors in our world, but they're fully-fledged Jounin, so it's acceptable in the Naruto world. (Also: time travel. Maybe.) Never mind that they're both twelve-ish; it's not mentioned explicitly, but they're using solid henge to compensate. I _completely forgot_ they were minors, but the sexual escapades aren't exactly detailed (and are only there for humor) so I don't think it matters in the long run. It's M-rated for a reason, anyway.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter One: Meet the Family<strong>

Fuuka sat down on the bench, absentmindedly spinning one of her curved kunai around her fingers. The cold air billowed around her, flapping her already-untamable long red hair everywhere at once. She nearly had to narrow her eyes to see out of the windblast.

"Well? Are we finished?"

In front of her was a man with dark, unruly hair, sitting in a meditative stance. He cracked one eye open, showing a glimpse of red before fading to black, grimacing at the billowing winds in front of him. Fuuka smiled at his struggle.

"Kenji?" she asked again. Kenji opened both eyes and glared at her without heat.

"This would be easier if you weren't shooting _Daitoppa_ at me for no reason," he said with a grimace.

Fuuka smiled, eyes curving into an inverted U-shape as usual. "But where would the fun in that be?"

"Bah!" Kenji stood up abruptly, and Fuuka stopped launching _Daitoppa_ at him. Fuuka slowly got up from the bench and Kenji kicked the dirt, grimacing. "I don't think I'll ever manage to launch that jutsu."

"Of course you will," Fuuka said, clear conviction in her voice. "You know I won't let you stop trying until you do. Just...not right now, evidently." Kenji smiled at her girlfriend's firm determination, before grimacing.

"Ah, crap, what time is it?" Kenji made a show of looking at the sky, to determine the time. Unfortunately, he's blind, so the result was absolutely nothing. "We have to go meet Touya at _four_, y'know."

Fuuka glanced at her wrist. A convenient seal she placed there tracked the time in an easy-to-read manner. "Ah, it's about ten-to."

"Awesome," Kenji said cheerfully. "Great timing. 'K, Fuuka, let's go!" He reached out with his elbow in front of himself, and Fuuka giggled, placing her arm into his elbow. They walked together in silence, out of the training ground.

* * *

><p>Touya stirred his drink absently. He took occasional glances at the time, waiting for his friends and squad-mates to appear. He stopped stirring as the odd mixture in front of him turned a bluish-purple, because Touya was pretty sure it wasn't supposed to do that.<p>

At precisely four o'clock, a bright flash of red signified his friends' arrival.

"Yo, Touya," Kenji said cheerfully, taking a seat in front of him. Fuuka sat to his side, smiling. Touya shook his head.

"Did you really have to _Hiraishin_ here?" Touya sweatdropped at Fuuka's exuberant nodding. "Ah, okay."

"Waiting long?" Kenji asked Touya, who shook his head.

"I've only been here for half an hour. It's not so bad, and you're on time this time, too," Touya replied.

Kenji grinned. "This time, we weren't _sidetracked._" He gave a meaningful glance and a wave of his eyebrows towards Fuuka, who grinned back unashamedly. Touya shook his head again, but he was smiling.

"Ahh, okay." Touya took a sip of his drink, and grimaced at the alcohol. Not a usual alcohol drinker, Touya nevertheless continued to drink the odd mixture.

"What _is_ that?" Fuuka asked curiously. Touya shrugged, grinning.

"No idea! I kinda just threw a whole bunch of drinks inside and was like, _sheeee-it,_ whatever, I'll drink it," Touya replied. Fuuka and Kenji's amused smiles paled in comparison to his own.

"Well, I'll take whatever you're having," Fuuka said, "and I guess Kenji will have what he always gets?"

Touya put his drink down and waved for the bartender. "Yo, we'll take another one of whatever this is, and bring some tamagozake here too!"

Fuuka smirked as the bartender went to go get their drinks. "I'll never understand how you can drink that."

"I keep telling you, it's nostalgic," Kenji grumbled. "Unlike you, I prefer to remember my past."

"Your past isn't _nearly_ as dark as mine," Fuuka retorted.

"Oh my _god_ we've _had_ this conversation before," Touya whined before they could continue their argument. "Let's just not even go there today, OK?"

Fuuka pouted. "You're no fun."

"You wanted to get me drunk," Touya accused her. "Now you have to live with the consequences." He shook his glass at her menacingly, and Fuuka gasped.

"Kenji-kun! Touya's being meeeeeean," she whined, eyes going large and watery. Kenji gasped.

"Touya! How _could_ you?! Fuuka's a good girl!" Kenji angrily pointed at Touya, while hugging Fuuka fiercely. "It's OK, Fuuka-chan, don't listen to the mean old grouch," he told Fuuka, caressing her lovingly as she stared into his eyes.

Fuuka's eyes were bright and shining. "Kenji-kun..."

Kenji's eyes were also bright and shining. "Fuuka-chan..."

Touya decided that now was a good time to interject. "Touya," he said, raising his hand up politely.

Kenji and Fuuka turned to him, eyes dulled, and Touya pointed to the drinks that just arrived (and the bartender that was watching the scene with fond amusement). "Drinks are here."

"Oh!" Fuuka looked at her drink. "Is it...supposed to be green? And bubbling?"

Touya shrugged. "That's how it was for me. I just stirred it until it turned this weird blue-purple color." He raised his glass. "Now it's red but it wasn't a few minutes ago."

Kenji and Fuuka also raised their glasses, clinking the glasses together. Kenji shouted, "Kanpai!" and chugged his drink. Touya took less determined sips, and Fuuka, grumbling, decided to drink it without stirring.

"_Gods,_ that's nasty!" Fuuka said with a grin. "How in the world can you even drink this?!"

Touya shrugged, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks from the alcohol. "Not a damn clue."

Kenji finished off his drink, turned to Touya, raised an eyebrow, and then put his glass down. "Bartender, I think I need to drink something non-alcoholic for the rest of the night."

* * *

><p>Kenji smiled, amused, as Fuuka tried to climb on his head, because she was adamant that she was a bird. Touya, meanwhile, was throwing up freely, and Kenji was holding him from falling over into his own vomit.<p>

"Right, whatever that was, we're never getting it again," Kenji muttered. After they had their first drinks, they ordered three more each of that weird mixture, then created increasingly crazier drinks out of whatever alcohol was on hand. Touya's last drink was on fire, and Fuuka's was probably some sort of chemical warfare device.

Once Touya stopped, Kenji patted his back. "Hey, big guy, ready to go?" Then Touya tipped forward again and spewed more, and Kenji had a hard time holding on to him thanks to Fuuka's presence on his head and shoulders. For some reason, she was trying to pull off his hair, and it was really distracting, but Kenji managed somehow.

Touya gasped as soon as he stopped vomiting. "Oh, _shit,_ it hurts." He turned behind him, to an amused Kenji (and nesting Fuuka), and stood up with wobbly legs. "Has...has your hair...always been...yellow like that?"

Kenji smirked. "You jealous?" His hair was very much black, according to Fuuka, so Kenji had absolutely no idea what Touya was talking about.

"Gimme," Touya made grabby hands, and Kenji was hard-pressed to avoid it with Fuuka on his head. "Want..." And then Touya threw up again. Kenji got behind him to hold him up.

"This is a very productive evening," Kenji remarked snidely. Fuuka apparently decided there wasn't enough blood in Kenji's skull, because she pecked at his skull with her teeth. Kenji yelped. "Ow! _Fuuka! Quit it!_"

Fuuka then decided that she was a cat and started licking at the spots that were probably bleeding. Kenji sighed, and grabbed Touya before he could tip over again. To his relief, Touya finally looked like he was done vomiting, although he was mumbling incoherently, and Kenji couldn't be bothered to understand what he was saying.

"Fuuka. _Hey._" Kenji poked at her. Apparently she was sleeping on his head, then, which was cute, but Kenji didn't have time for that. "Hey. Hiraishin us home."

Fuuka yawned and stretched out, and then the world disappeared in a flash of red.

* * *

><p>Touya woke up in a daze. He tried to roll over to get his bearings but he fell off the couch. Touya rubbed his bruised head, and he realized that they were in Fuuka's apartment, although Touya didn't remember how he got here. Trying to stand up, and failing miserably, Touya rolled himself towards the wall, then used the wall to push himself up.<p>

The pulsing headache didn't help matters.

Touya managed to find some aspirin and he downed it, although it only really helped enough to make it more endurable. He felt his stomach gurgle in hunger, and Touya remembered that, yes, he did throw up everywhere last night. He went to Fuuka's room and knocked a few times, before opening the door.

Only to find Kenji and Fuuka making love.

Fuuka was on top, facing away from the door, and although Kenji was probably mortified, she just turned her head around and asked, "Hey, Touya. Want to join?"

Touya blinked, then grimaced, covering his face with his hand. "How do you not have a hangover?"

Fuuka smirked, even as she jumped up and down, to Kenji's increasing delight. "Uzumaki secret."

"Right. Well." Touya turned away, since he knew Fuuka didn't honestly care about interruptions in their lovemaking times. "I'll go make breakfast. You guys want anything?"

"Ramen," Fuuka said, as she turned back and gave her attention to Kenji beneath her.

"Uh...anything's fine, thanks," Kenji said, in a bit of a daze. Touya decided that was enough and left them to their fun.

"Right, so, ramen..." He decided to make instant ramen, due to laziness and the hangover, so he grabbed three cups of the stuff and prepared them properly. "And...hmm, I'll have some eggs."

Touya went to the refrigerator to grab some eggs, but once he opened it he couldn't find any eggs. "This travesty will not stand," he muttered, so he made sure he was a bit more presentable, shouted to Kenji and Fuuka ("I'm gonna go get some eggs!" He received no response.) and left.

Walking down to the stand that he knew sold eggs, he saw a little blond boy get thrown out of another stand, but he ignored it in favor of finding eggs. Ducking into the stand that he wanted to get to, he greeted the shopkeeper, a kind old lady who greeted him back. He purchased a couple cartons of eggs and left for home.

He passed the little blond boy again, who tried to pickpocket him, but Touya used his Mokuton abilities and picked him up with tree roots. Two shopkeepers came running by.

"Thanks for catching the little runt," said one.

"Oi, brat! How dare you steal from us!" said the other.

Naruto looked fearfully between both of them, then in awe at Touya, who said, "I don't give a single shit right now, I'm hungry." Well, okay, he grunted, but the meaning was clear to everyone. Waving politely at the two shopkeepers, who grumbled but otherwise didn't react, he pulled along a struggling Naruto as he walked home.

"Tadaima!" He slammed open the door. He heard faint bumping in the kitchen. "Oi! You'd better not be on the stove!" he shouted. There was an embarrassing silence, and then the bumping picked up in a different location in the kitchen. "That's what I _thought._" He put the blond boy down, who immediately tried to make a run for it, although he failed miserably since the door was seal-locked. Touya grumbled and said, "You're going to be eating here today because _fuck everything._" He waved Naruto into a couch and then went to go make his eggs.

"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT YOU SHITHEADS," Touya shouted angrily, as he saw two of the cups of ramen scattered everywhere on top of the two lovebirds making love on the table. Fuuka got up from where she was trying to ingest Kenji's crotch, which was covered in noodles.

"Hi!" Fuuka said, waving from her position between Kenji's legs. "We left yours alone."

Touya looked and saw that, yes, there was another cup untouched. "Thank god," he muttered. He put the eggs on the counter by the stove, and heated up a pan. "Also, I invited your brother over."

All of the noise behind him stopped. He turned around and saw that they were both gaping at him. "What?"

"Why would you do that?" Fuuka said, and she looked a bit angry. "Hokage-sama said-"

"Yeah, I know, but he was in the way so I took him home." Touya turned back to the stove and poured a bit of oil into the pan. "He's gonna eat with us and then I don't give a shit about what else happens."

A voice from the door, sounding stunned, said, "You're my sister?"

"Disregard that, she sucks cocks," Touya said happily. Pouring out an egg, he ducked to avoid the sudden wrath of both Kenji and Fuuka. "Oi! I'm making food here!"

Touya blissfully ignored everything behind him at that point, watching as the egg heated up. It smelled better than it looked, which was heavenly. Touya could barely wait to eat his perfect sunny-side-up egg.

Scooping out the egg, he prepared himself to make more, for the other three people in the house. He poured one into the pan, and then grabbed one of the two empty cups of ramen and poured two eggs into it. Grabbing one of the kunai Kenji threw at him, he stirred the eggs vigorously, and then set the cup down to flip the egg over in the pan. After a bit of time, he poured out the egg into another plate, and then poured the contents of the ramen cup into the pan. Then he grabbed another two eggs and repeated the process in the other ramen cup.

After everything was finally made, Touya finally, _finally_ got to eat his egg and noodles mixture, pouring his egg into his cup of ramen to eat it. It was a bit cold, but very much satisfying for a lazy hangover-fueled breakfast. And then he turned around.

Kenji and Naruto glared at each other. Fuuka looked like she was about to cry, which Touya found distinctly odd since she never cries. And Touya had plates in his hands. So he did the only thing he could in this situation.

"Breakfast is ready!"

Giving Kenji the over-easy egg, he passed the scrambled eggs to Fuuka and Naruto, and then grabbed a packet of ramen noodles, crumbled them up, and poured them over the scrambled eggs. Then he sat down and ate in blissful silence.

And the blissful silence extended to everyone else on the table, too, as the other three occupants ate pleasantly.

And it was a good morning.

* * *

><p>"Hokage-sama," Fuuka greeted the stern old man.<p>

"Uzumaki-san," the Hokage called back, before glaring at Touya, who was standing behind Fuuka. "I've received word that Naruto-kun is here?"

"Okay, Naru-chan, time for you to go home now," Fuuka said, patting her brother on the head. Naruto frowned, before perking up at the Hokage's presence.

"Jiji! Did you know that I had a sister?!" he said, hugging Fuuka. "Fuuka-nee's so nice! Can I live with her, please?"

The Hokage chuckled, although his glare at Touya hadn't abated. "Have you asked Fuuka-san?"

"I think it would be better if you continued to live on your own," Fuuka said, not unkindly. "I'm not exactly equipped to take care of children, right now." At seeing Naruto's sadface, she relented, "But you're always welcome here, if that helps."

"Thanks, Fuuka-nee!" Naruto's rebounding grin pretty much lit up the room. Fuuka smiled.

"Isn't it great, what spur-of-the-moment decisions can accomplish?" Touya asked rhetorically, putting a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "I mean, this really couldn't have gone any better." He grinned at the Hokage's slowly-darkening face.

"Be that as it may," the Hokage grimaced, "you had a promise." Touya's eyes narrowed at this, but his grin remained in place.

"Neh, jiji, what are you talking about?" Naruto asked cheerfully, not noticing the tension between his savior and his grandfather figure.

"Never mind that, Naru-chan," Fuuka interjected. "Why don't I take you to your place?" she asked with a smile.

Naruto was instantly on guard. "Nee-chan, that's OK, I don't need-"

"Yes," Touya said. "Let's go to Naruto's place." Both Touya and the Hokage's glares got deeper. Fuuka turned around for a bit.

"Kenji-kun! Please guard the apartment!"

"Yes, yes," Kenji's faded voice echoed from the bedroom. Fuuka turned back to Naruto.

"OK, Naru-chan, where do you live?"

Naruto visibly thought about the answer, and Fuuka couldn't help but croon mentally at her brother's adorable thinking-face. "Um, it's one of the apartment buildings next to the hot springs. It's at the top floor."

Fuuka squeezed his shoulder. "OK. I know where that is." And they vanished in a flash of red. The Hokage jumped.

"Hiraishin is really useful, huh, Hokage-sama?" said Touya. The Hokage said nothing, just stared at the spot that the Uzumakis stood in, contemplating.

* * *

><p>"This place looks..." Fuuka trailed off, unable to find the right word for it. "Home-y."<p>

But Naruto's apartment was a _mess_, even though Fuuka didn't exactly want to say that out loud, what with her trying to mend bridges with a willing Naruto and all. Clothing and furniture were scattered everywhere, the floor was littered with ramen cups, and Fuuka _really_ didn't want to touch the refrigerator. Through it all, the smell of the apartment was unmistakably _boy_.

"Sorry it's so dirty," the boy in question said, oddly shy. Fuuka glanced at him to see him looking at the ground, despondent.

"Hey," Fuuka said kindly, touching the boy's shoulder. As he looked up towards Fuuka's face, she smiled. "Wanna see something cool?" The boy nodded, and Fuuka brought her hands into a familiar handseal.

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu."

Ten copies of Fuuka popped into existence, and each went around doing their own thing, picking up laundry or spraying deodorizer everywhere or what have you. Through it all, a grinning Fuuka watched a dumbfounded Naruto gape at the scene in front of him.

"Kage Bunshin are awesome, neh? Naru-chan?" Fuuka smiled, eyes curving. Naruto could only nod and look on in astonishment as he could finally see the color of his floor.

"Wow! Teach me that, nee-sama!" Naruto shouted exuberantly, and Fuuka laughed, poking him on the nose.

"Once you become a genin, then I'll teach you this and more," Fuuka said, and Naruto's eyes widened at her words.

"You're a ninja, nee-sama? That's _so cool!_" Naruto said with stars in his eyes. Fuuka suddenly grimaced.

"Yes, well...that's why I wasn't here for you, otouto. I had an extended mission out of the village, but I'm here now," Fuuka finished with an uncertain smile, although at Naruto's wide eyes the smile became more confident.

There was a knock at the door. One of Fuuka's clones opened it, and in walked Touya and the Hokage.

"Hokage-sama," Fuuka said in respect, bowing low. She looked at Naruto and grabbed his head so that, despite his struggling, he was also effectively bowing.

The Hokage no longer had the grimace in place, instead looking amused and wistful. "I see you've been doing some cleaning, Uzumaki-san."

"Yes, well..." Fuuka grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head. "My clones kind of got away from me."

Touya noticed two clones packing away his clothes in seals, and he spoke up this observation. "I don't think Naruto can use seals, Fuuka," he said as Fuuka turned to her clones.

"Ah! Nee-sama, stop them!" Naruto tried to jump on the clones, who were thoroughly amused at the whole ordeal, but the original spoke up.

"Naru-chan, don't worry. Your clothes are fine," she said with a smile, but Naruto didn't look very convinced. "It's fuuinjutsu. It's a very mentally-challenging ninja art, but I'll teach you if you're interested."

"Really?" Naruto's nose scrunched up. "Sounds hard."

Fuuka tapped Naruto's nose. "You're going to be Hokage, neh? You should learn this, regardless of its difficulty. But yes, it's hard," Fuuka admitted. "It's also what the Uzumaki clan is most famous for, you know."

"Really? I'm part of a clan?" Naruto's eyes were huge, and Fuuka didn't want to say it, but...

"Not any more," she admitted, and she tried to ignore the way Naruto crumpled in sadness. "The Uzumaki clan was destroyed when our mom was still a kid."

"Along with the entire damn country," Touya pitched in. "By the time Konoha received word about their troubles, Uzushiogakure had fallen."

Fuuka stared at him. Touya squirmed uncomfortably.

"...yes. Well." Fuuka turned back to Naruto, who took all of this in with wide eyes. "He's right, but I was about to tell you all of that." She glared at Touya. "Must you ruin my spotlight?"

Touya gave her a thumbs-up. "Absolutely."

Fuuka rolled her lilac-colored eyes. "Go and help my clones put things away."

"Aye, aye, cap'n," Touya saluted and went to go put things away. Fuuka turned to the Hokage, who watched all of this with an amused eye.

"What can I do for you, Hokage-sama?" Fuuka asked. The Hokage cleared his throat.

"Would you be amenable to a mission?" the Hokage asked in reply. Before Fuuka could contemplate the message, Naruto shouted in outrage.

"You _can't!_" Both heads turned to the angry seven-year-old. "You can't take my sister away from me! I just met her!"

"_Naruto._" Fuuka's stern voice caused Naruto to stop ranting. Then she lightened up a bit. "He's the Hokage; he can put me on missions whenever he wants. It's what he does, and _you know that._"

"But-" Naruto started to shout, but then fell quiet. "I just...wanted to get to know you more."

"Oh, otouto," Fuuka told Naruto, hugging him softly. "I'm one of the strongest shinobi in Konoha. I have to do this to protect everyone, including you. Don't worry, though," Fuuka smiled at Naruto. "I'll come back."

The Hokage coughed, and Fuuka jumped up. "Yes, sir, I'm ready for a mission." Fuuka said as she bowed in deference. The Hokage chuckled, and Fuuka glanced at his face to see his amused smile.

"Very well, then. This is your mission: to protect one Uzumaki Naruto from threats, both external and internal. It's a long term, S-ranked mission of the highest secrecy." Fuuka fell on her face. The Hokage continued as if he didn't notice. "You must keep him safe, of course, and train him in the ways of the Will of Fire."

Fuuka got up slowly from the floor and was staring open-mouthed at the Hokage. Then she whined, "Kenji-kun, Hokage-sama tricked me and now he's being meeeeeeean."

Kenji popped out from behind Naruto's couch and shouted at the Hokage. "How _could_ you?! Fuuka's a _good girl!_" Faster than anyone could react, Kenji was by Fuuka's side in an instant. "It's OK, Fuuka-chan, he won't be mean again. You just leave the big scary monkey to me." Kenji caressed her face lovingly as she stared at the headband over his eyes.

Fuuka's eyes were bright and shining. "Kenji-kun..."

Kenji's eyes were...covered by his headband. But the expression on his face told the whole story. "Fuuka-chan..."

Touya decided that now was a good time to interject. "Touya," he said, raising his hand up politely.

Kenji and Fuuka turned to him, eyes dulled, and Touya pointed to a completely amused Hokage and a very confused Naruto.

"Oh." Kenji tilted his head. "Who's there?"

"The Hokage and Naru-chan," Fuuka helpfully provided. Kenji's face abruptly turned red.

"I - I - Hokage-sama!" he bowed forcefully, hitting his head against Touya's back. They both abruptly fell to the ground, Kenji cradling his head and Touya rubbing his back.

Naruto's laughter brightened the room, and Fuuka was quick to join in. The Hokage merely chuckled at the antics of two of his best ninja.

Fuuka looked at the brightly-grinning Naruto and, for the first time in a long time, felt hope for the future.


	2. Here We Are, Don't Turn Away Now

**Author's Note:** If you read the first chapter any time between July 14 and November 14, you'll have to read it again. I changed the original one because it read like an awful trainwreck, and I basically wrote myself into a corner. This is bound to be a much better second chapter, as well, although I kind of miss the old second chapter. Ah well, I don't save backups.

More importantly, when I tried to delete the original version of Sealing Shenanigans, I...basically messed up _really bad._ That's all I'll say on the subject. Hopefully, though, my previous followers of this story will be OK with the new result.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Two: Here We Are, Don't Turn Away Now<strong>

Naruto awoke from his slumber, then looked around his bedroom. "Was yesterday all a dream...?" he wondered, rubbing away the sleep in his eyes.

"Nope!" Fuuka said cheerily _right on top of him,_ causing Naruto to jump.

"H-how are you doing that?!" Naruto shouted, eyes wide. Fuuka giggled.

"Silly Naru-chan!" Fuuka walked down from her position on his ceiling, deliberately walking slowly down the walls, while explaining, "It's a ninja trick, of course! Channel the chakra to your feet, fill in the gaps, and use the grip to defy even gravity. That's putting it very simply, though." She smiled at him when she got to the foot of his bed. "Now, come on, we're going to get some breakfast."

"Are you going to teach me that?" Naruto asked with wide eyes. Fuuka giggled.

"Not any time soon!" she chimed tauntingly, and Naruto's face scrunched up in irritation.

"Bleh," Naruto stuck his tongue out. Fuuka continued to grin happily, though, to the point where Naruto abandoned his own irritation in favor of basking in Fuuka's happiness.

Naruto got ready for the day ahead, wearing his favorite black shirt with the red spiral on it. Finding his orange shorts, he threw them on quickly, and then grabbed his sandals and headed to the door, where Fuuka was standing. Fuuka dressed surprisingly casually, wearing a red tank top with the same kind of spiral on it, except white instead of red, and black slacks that were probably her boyfriend's. Naruto squinted at the sight in irritation, but relented, because Kenji-nii was awesome, too.

"By the way..." Fuuka trailed off as a sudden thought hit her. "How old are you, again?"

"Seven," Naruto said helpfully. Fuuka narrowed her eyes and focused on something in the distance.

"Hm. I'm hoping...well, we'll see. Come along, Naru-chan," Fuuka said. "We're going to go and eat out for breakfast. Touya's already reserved a spot...what's wrong?" Fuuka noticed Naruto becoming unusually hesitant.

"Um...well, I thought we were going to eat at your place," Naruto said in a tiny voice.

"Bah," Fuuka replied. "Touya's a lazy cook, and Kenji is blind so he's an awful cook, and I don't have much food for a growing boy like you." She pinched his cheeks and stretched them out. After a moment, she let him go. "So we're going to eat out today! I have enough money from missions, so don't worry, you'll be free to eat as much as you want." Fuuka smiled, thinking that she tackled the source of the problems, before noticing that Naruto was _still_ hesitant. "What's wrong?"

"...other stores don't like me," Naruto said after a moment's hesitation, then flinched back, as if expecting to be ridiculed or hit. Fuuka firmly quashed the burst of anger she felt at Naruto's reaction, and smiled warmly.

"That won't matter, because I'm awesome." Fuuka grinned and nudged Naruto's shoulder. "Neh, otouto? Aren't I awesome?"

Naruto paused for a moment, then pasted a cheery smile on his face that Fuuka immediately recognized as fake. It was a smile she often saw in the mirror, after all. "Yeah!"

Fuuka decided not to comment on the fakeness of his smile (after all, it would be pretty hypocritical) and clapped her hands together. "Right! So, let's go!" With that, she held out her hand and Naruto took it. Together, they walked down to the restaurant for breakfast.

* * *

><p>On the way, Fuuka noticed the hostile glares coming from people around them, and so did Naruto, as he tried to hide behind Fuuka's back. Fuuka nudged him a few times to get his attention.<p>

"Don't worry about them," she indicated the shopkeepers with a twitch of her chin. "Remember: I'm awesome." Fuuka smiled, and Naruto gained a bit of confidence. "And you're my little brother, so you're awesome too, no matter what other people say."

Naruto nodded meekly, and they headed to the restaurant that Touya reserved for them; it wasn't a far walk from the apartment complex that Naruto lived in, so they made it within ten minutes, but Fuuka was feeling pretty annoyed by the time they got there thanks to all the hostile stares directed at the two Uzumakis. The outright hatred towards her little brother, she could handle, if only barely; the leering at her body grated at her nerves, though. Which was strange to her - she expected it to be the other way around. So it was with relief that they made it to the restaurant with time to spare.

Or so they thought. The waitress handling the table-seating took one good look at the boy and promptly pasted a false cheery smile on her face. "I'm sorry, but we're closed for today."

"No you're not," Fuuka said with an equally fake smile on her face. "Senju-sama made a reservation, and we're invited guests."

"You'll need to provide proof," the waitress apologized in a manner that meant that she wasn't actually sorry at all.

Fuuka tilted her head forward and stared at the woman. Then, in a voice that sounded very much unlike Fuuka, she growled, **"Is that so...?"** The bit of leaking killing intent certainly helped the intimidation factor, and her hair flowing badassly in the wind helped. Fuuka had practiced this in the mirror, after all, and she was inwardly pleased at having done such a good job.

The waitress gulped, sweating and very pale, but thankfully Kenji showed up in time. "Fuuka-chan, please stop scaring the poor waitress."

Fuuka turned to him, dropping the intimidating aura (vaguely, she noticed Naruto shivering in fear, and promised silently to make it up to him) and smiled warmly. "But Kenji-kun, you can't go in until you're proven to be one of Senju-sama's guests."

"Ah, no, he's free to go in," the waitress said at Kenji's headtilt. At Fuuka's incredulous stare, she stuttered, "Ah-that is-I mean-"

"Then she is, as well," Kenji said in a tone that brooked no arguments. "As well as little Uzumaki Naruto, savior of the village."

"S-savior?" The poor girl looked between Kenji and Naruto. "H-him? But h-he's...?"

**"He has nothing on me,"** Fuuka smiled in that incredibly creepy voice of hers, adding her intimidating aura again, and both the waitress and Naruto shuddered. Kenji shivered, too, but unlike the other two it was purely out of bliss.

"God it turns me on when you use that voice," he muttered with a smile on his face. Fuuka smirked. Then, grabbing both Naruto and Kenji by the arms, she marched into the restaurant, ignoring the petrified waitress.

"Bit overkill, wasn't it?" Kenji muttered, out of Naruto's earshot, which Fuuka nodded to.

"I'm going to change their perception of my little brother, even if it kills me," Fuuka replied in just as quiet tones.

"What are you two talking about?" Naruto asked, genuinely curious.

"Ah-" Kenji and Fuuka stalled. "N-nothing! It's uh..."

"Touya's over here," Touya called from his table, in a complete deadpan. Fuuka flushed gratefully and dashed to a chair; Kenji picked up Naruto and put him on the chair next to Fuuka, before he sat to the side of Touya. "Glad you could make it," he said, continuing his deadpan.

"...How long were you here _this_ time?" Kenji asked, and Touya smiled.

"I'm glad you asked! I've only been here for _three goddamn hours_," he said cheerily, although his voice lost all quality of happiness by the end.

Fuuka blinked. "...why were you here for three hours?" she asked, utterly bewildered.

"First, I fell off the couch in the morning. You have _no idea_ what kind of contortions your back will do on that couch." She really didn't - as soon as she got the apartment, she slept on the bed. She hadn't used the couch since then, and it'd only decayed since then. "Then, after you left, I went to make breakfast - _we're out of eggs already_, and I had to pick up some more. Then I remembered that I didn't have to make breakfast, so I checked the clock and decided to leave at nine. _Your clock is fucking broken._" Touya grit out through his teeth. "I got here at six because I thought your clock was right, but it's _three hours fast._"

Fuuka blinked again. "Um. It wasn't off when I checked last night."

Touya put his head in between his hands. "And to make matters worse, I was checked in as _Senju_ Touya, and _fucking hell,_ you'd think I was the last Senju in this godforsaken village."

Kenji tilted his head back. "...you _are_ the last Senju. Tsunade doesn't come to the village any more."

Touya looked to the ceiling. "God _damn_ it." He sighed, and Kenji and Fuuka could feel the fatigue rolling off of him in waves. "Then, to make matters _even more worse,_ I have to go to a meeting with the Hokage and his Council of Elders right after this." Kenji and Fuuka both winced at this.

"Ouch," Fuuka said, mixing with Kenji's "Sucks." None of them looked forward to meeting with the Council of Elders, but Touya was the worst off, due to being both the last Senju as well as Konoha's possessor of the Rinnegan. That, coupled with his constant refusal to fall in love, left him a prime target for the Elders' renumeration plans.

"Well, if you need help," Fuuka started, then shrugged. "I'm free today; I was gonna teach Naruto some tricks, but Kenji can take over."

"Naruto has school," Kenji cut in. "He has to study, so you weren't going to teach him tricks anyway."

Both Fuuka and Naruto pouted. "But it's _sooooooo booooooooooring,_" they whined in eerie synchronicity. Kenji slapped his face.

"I'm not even going to deal with this until my food gets here," he muttered. Touya blinked.

"Oh. Right." He waved to the buffet tables. "Today's all-you-can-eat. My treat, go for it."

"Awesome. Fuuka, make me a plate please." Kenji smiled. Fuuka smiled. Touya grinned, and Naruto ran for the food. Fuuka used Hiraishin to catch up to Naruto, and Touya groaned.

"Tough night, tonight, too." Kenji patted his back in sympathy.

"I know that feeling, bro."

* * *

><p>After a nice long breakfast that made Touya fifty thousand ryo shorter (to Touya's eternal chagrin, though Kenji paid for some of it), they walked back to Naruto's apartment, due to it being closer to both the restaurant and the Hokage's tower. Touya and Fuuka waved as they went to the Hokage's office; Kenji went with Naruto to his apartment.<p>

"It's..." Kenji tried to find an appropriate word for a place that smelled worse than Touya's feet. (Honestly, the only reason he smelled that was an accident involving sandpaper, a rubber duck, and Fuuka's kunai - an accident that nobody will ever know about.) "Interesting."

"Ah, thanks," Naruto rubbed the back of his head. "Um..."

"Could you guide me around a bit?" Kenji reached out his hand. Naruto took it firmly, and Kenji could feel the nervousness in his hand. "Hey, relax, this place can't be more confusing than Touya's shitty building."

And it wasn't, although it certainly put up a good fight. Between dodging the stray cups scattered around the floor, to Naruto's lack of laundry baskets, to that annoying squeaking floor in the one section of his kitchen, Kenji idly wondered if he'd even be able to keep watch of Naruto, considering all the parts of the house Naruto unintentionally missed.

Well. _Watch,_ as a metaphorical term. One of the perks of being blind, Kenji mused, is that he got to make all sorts of terrible eye-related puns.

He broke out of his musings and signaled to Naruto. "I'm going to...try to find a chair in the kitchen. Naruto, I want you to take out your book bag and start studying; I don't care what it takes," he said sternly as Naruto groaned. "You're going to be smarter than your sister, even if I have to force you.

"Well," he amended, as Naruto looked about to object at his comment about his sister. "Your sister's a lot smarter than most people think, but you'll be as smart as her even if it kills me. Well, okay, I'm not willing to die for something so unimpor-JUST DO YOUR DAMN ASSIGNMENTS."

"Ow," Naruto groaned after Kenji hit him (lightly) on the head. "Kenji-nii..."

Kenji froze. Naruto froze. The room became utterly silent. Then Kenji laughed happily, confusing and embarrassing Naruto.

"I knew you'd call me that! Awesome, Touya owes me ten ryo," Kenji said after his laughter subsided. "I'm OK with you calling me that, y'know. Fuuka's fine with it, too." Naruto beamed, although Kenji couldn't see it. He could, however, feel the hug that Naruto gave him. He chuckled and patted the young boy on his head.

"Well, Naruto, keep studying." Kenji chuckled at Naruto's groan.

* * *

><p>Touya and Fuuka, meanwhile, were busy yelling at the Hokage and his Council of Elders.<p>

"WHAT DO YOU _MEAN_ I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF MY BROTHER?!"

...Or, well, Fuuka was yelling. Touya was restraining her from physically assaulting any of them.

"We mean that you clearly lack the emotional control to deal with a child," Koharu sniffed, Homura and Danzou nodding and Hiruzen just completely ignoring the byplay, choosing instead to catch up on old paperwork.

"LACK OF _EMOTIONAL CONTROL?!_ I'M A FUCKING _JINCHUURIKI,_ I'M A _MASTER_ OF EMOTIONAL CONTROL!" Fuuka continued to yell. Touya continued to hold her in a full nelson.

"And a Hyuuga in blood, to boot," Touya chimed in helpfully. "Well, bastard Hyuuga, but you know what I mean."

"Still," Koharu sniffed. Fuuka was grating on her nerves due to her loudness and her clear _lack_ of control, judging by the way the Senju boy had to physically restrain her from slaughtering them, which she was secretly grateful for. "Besides, you aren't much older than him."

"I'm _thirteen_," Fuuka hissed. "And a Jounin to boot. If you don't trust my judgment then why am I a Jounin?" She appeared to be calming down a bit, and Fuuka nudged Touya to let her go, so he complied. Fuuka stood ramrod straight at attention instead of trying to slaughter anyone, so Touya and two of the Elders counted that as a win.

The third disagreed. "You are a Jounin," Danzou said, and Touya had to physically restrain Fuuka again, "because we recognize your skills as a shinobi. It doesn't mean we accept your judgment in matters such as this."

"FUCK YOU, OLD MAN!" Fuuka shouted again. Hiruzen coughed and they all looked at him.

"...You know that this is all a formality, right?" Hiruzen raised an eyebrow. "I've already allowed this."

The cries of, "What?" that piped up from everyone else was overshadowed by Fuuka's yell of, "THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE WE HERE?!" Hiruzen scrounged up paperwork.

"I've already assigned it as a permanent mission to her, at a suitable S-Rank." He coughed at their disbelieving stares. "He _is_ important to village security, what with him being one of our two Jinchuuriki and the public face of such. So, S-Rank. I trust that we can keep it suitably secret?"

"Oh." Fuuka blinked, all anger gone from her body. "_That's_ what that was for? Huh." She tilted her head, still confused. "Never even noticed. I just thought it was because Naru-chan's just so cute." She put her hands together and her eyes sparkled. "_He's just so cute!_ He's a little cutie! I have pictures!" She grabbed some from her magically-infinite pockets and shoved photographs in front of Koharu's face. "Lookit the cutie!" Koharu looked, and couldn't stop the "aww" that came out of her mouth. "_He's so cute!_" Fuuka cried happily.

"He _is,_" Koharu agreed. Homura looked over and thought that, yes, it was pretty adorable, but said nothing about it. He knew better than to get in the middle of two mothering women bonding, even though one of the women involved was only thirteen.

Touya restrained a yawn. "Right, so, we're done here then?" Danzou looked to be fuming, but was otherwise silent. Hiruzen looked at everyone in the room before finally nodded. Touya sagged in relief. "Good; I expected it to be more difficult."

"It was already more difficult than it needed to be," Danzou muttered, and Touya smiled as he heard it.

"This is true! Sorry about that, elder-san," Touya apologized, before turning to Fuuka. "Oi, taichou, let's go already!"

"Ehh?" Fuuka was leaning on Koharu and they were both enjoying Naruto's pictures. "_Aww..._" Fuuka moaned dejectedly as she put the pictures away. Even Koharu looked a bit dejected, although Touya thought it was just a trick of the light. "_Fiiiiine..._"

Touya left, but before Fuuka did, she waved to the elders in the room behind her. "Hokage-sama, I'll send you pictures!" The Hokage looked amused as he nodded.

* * *

><p>Fuuka skipped happily behind Touya as they walked back to Naruto's apartment. "Well, that went well!"<p>

"Indeed." Touya looked at the sky as the sun burned brightly down. "Looks like a nice day, too. How about a spar?"

"Okay!" Fuuka chirped. With that, they changed directions to the nearest training ground. "Invite Kenji, too, or just leave him?"

"Kenji's probably sleeping, so nah," Touya remarked. "Naruto probably shouldn't watch, either; it's far too dangerous for him to be anywhere near us when we spar." Touya chuckled, remembering the devastation Fuuka wrought when fighting against her Jounin instructor as a Genin. Fifty trees were uprooted, and more than triple that were cleaved in half; it was only due to a certain ANBU and Touya himself that the training ground was ever fixed. Touya smiled in remembrance.

"What're you so happy about?" Fuuka squinted with a cute little pout, and Touya smirked.

"Just remembering our Genin initiation test," he replied. Fuuka groaned.

"I keep saying, it was an _accident,_" she whined. "I didn't mean to destroy the place..."

"Doesn't change the fact that the look on sensei's face was _utterly hilarious,_" Touya grinned outright. "He never expected the dead-last to be so strong, after all."

Fuuka groaned again. "Just because I'm dyslexic..." She frowned. "I was never sure why people considered me an idiot just because I couldn't figure out how to read. I mean, I had the highest math scores; I just had a hard time reading the word problems." Touya shrugged.

"Beats me," he replied. "I never understood why people constantly think I'm gay."

Fuuka smiled, and nudged Touya on the shoulder. "Because you never seem to be responsive to my..._feminine wiles,_" she cooed seductively, and Touya scoffed.

"You're like my _sister,_ that doesn't make me gay," he muttered. "It just means I'm lactose-intolerant."

Fuuka blinked at the non-sequitir. "What?"

"We're here," Touya pointed at the training ground.

"Okay! So, rules?"

"Standard okay with you?" Standard rules were the agreed-upon rules of the three of them. It was basically a best of three first-blood competition with no lethal blows. Also, Fuuka could only use her kunai for Hiraishin; the three of them agreed that it was fair.

Fuuka smirked. "Sure."

Fuuka used a handsign and her clothes changed to her usual fighting clothes - a red sleeveless jacket with white arm-sleeves, the Uzumaki spiral adorning her shoulders on metal plates. Touya pulled out a high-collared white Senju jacket from his pocket and put it on. His usually dull-red eyes shifted into the concentric-ringed purple Rinnegan; Fuuka turned on her Byakugan in response.

* * *

><p>"I sense a disturbance in the chakra," Kenji jolted up, startling Naruto who was almost done with his assignments. "Oh, wait, no, that's just the two morons," he muttered, going back to sleep.<p>

* * *

><p>Fuuka pulled out a kunai and tossed it up casually in the air. The instant it landed, as if by some unseen command, the spar began; Fuuka instantly used Hiraishin to get to the kunai's position as the place she left turned into a swamp.<p>

Fuuka managed to get four hits of the Hakkeshou 64 Palms before Touya retaliated by using, "Shakuton: Kajousatsu!" and Fuuka was hard-pressed to dodge the extremely steaming murder balls at such a close range. But she did, ending the taijutsu fight and forcing her to long-range.

Thankfully, she excelled at long-range. "Suiton: Suidanha!" She spit out a thin jet of pressurized water, and Touya winced as it impacted his fireballs, creating a huge amount of steam.

Unfortunately for Fuuka, if she was trying to hide in the steam, she had another thing coming. Touya pushed out a "Fuuton: Daitoppa!" and got rid of the steam, but Fuuka was ready for that. In the instant between the gust of wind being launched and the steam clearing away, Fuuka dashed forward, Rasengan in hand.

"Fuuton: Rasengan!" Fuuka pushed the Rasengan forward. Touya only barely dodged, getting his arm nicked in the process. Touya kicked her hand, causing the Rasengan to disperse, before jumping away.

Fuuka smirked, "First blood's mine," she taunted, but Touya formed handseals that made her eyes widen.

He proceeded to use, "Jinton: Genkai Hakuri!" The Second and Third Tsuchikage's exclusive Dust Release technique was dodged by Fuuka thanks to fast reflex and the Hiraishin. Touya wasn't done yet, though, as he clapped his hands together. "Mokuton: Daijurin!" He shot his arm forward and trees grew out of it, at a ridiculous speed, that Fuuka barely dodged, getting nicked on the cheek.

She noticed, of course. "Shit!"

Touya smirked. "Second blood's mine!" He then had to dodge a burst of, "Fuuton: Atsugai!" that had him cringing at the insanely high-speed winds.

But he didn't notice Fuuka's kunai behind him; a Hiraishin later, he was on the ground, defeated, and Fuuka stood over him, scraping his cheek hard enough to draw blood.

"I win," Fuuka smirked. Touya grinned.

"Did you really expect anything else?" Touya held up his hand, and Fuuka helped him get to his feet. "That was faster than I expected, though."

"You were busting out three bloodlines. I figured I'd end it fast," Fuuka shrugged.

"Even with my eyes, I can't beat you," Touya faux-whined.

Fuuka smiled but said nothing more. Touya looked around. "Ah..."

Touya clapped his hands together, and all the damage done to the training ground disappeared. "There, problem solved."

Fuuka smirked. "Our personal D-Rank solver, neh?" She nudged Touya, who groaned.

"One time. I use my abilities on a D-Rank _one time,_ and I never live it down."

Fuuka laughed happily, before sticking out her hand. Touya grabbed it with a smile, and they disappeared in a flash of red.


	3. These Are The Days

**Author's note:** No, I have no idea where the Hundred Days' Feast story came from. I remember hearing about it, though. It might be Chinese. Anyway, I know I butchered the story, so whatever.

Yes, I know it's illogical that Italian cuisine would ever be in the Naruto world, but it's mostly for humor, so either deal with it or ignore it as you see fit.

Short chapter, due to headache, and the fact that I just want to get this over with.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Three: These Are The Days<strong>

Fuuka groaned, and grimaced at the bright light.

"Damn," Fuuka muttered. "It's already daytime?"

She got up and groaned again, cracking her back surreptitiously. Judging from the position of the Sun, she estimated it to be about five in the afternoon. Fuuka yawned, and got up from her position under the trees. She looked around her and nudged Kenji, who was sleeping to her left.

"Nguh," he grunted, lifting his arms. "I'm up, I'm up."

After he twisted and grunted a little, Fuuka nudged him, more painfully. "Stop getting more comfortable," Fuuka admonished.

Kenji sighed. "Couldn't hurt to try. I'm part-Nara, you know."

Fuuka said, in a complete deadpan, "Well, yes. But if we don't get up now, we'll never make it home for dinner, because you'll just keep sleeping."

Kenji grinned. "You know me too well." He raised his hand, and Fuuka got up to lift him up.

After they were both standing, Fuuka grabbed hold of Kenji and teleported to their front door with Hiraishin. She could smell whatever Touya was cooking, and she knocked on the door. "Come in," Touya called from his position in the kitchen.

Strolling in with Kenji in hand, Fuuka stopped and looked at the guests in the house. "Hello, Naruto. And...I don't know you."

The taller of the two guests bowed. "My name is Uchiha Itachi. A pleasure to meet you," he said, quietly.

Fuuka blinked, and Kenji guffawed. "You mean the _Uchiha prodigy_ is in our home? How does Touya keep getting these people?"

Fuuka elbowed Kenji hard in the stomach, causing him to fall over. "Be nice, dear."

"Yes, dear," Kenji gasped out from his position on the floor. "Sorry, dear."

"You're here for dinner, then?" Fuuka asked brightly, ignoring Kenji's quivering form on the floor. "Good; Touya's a really good cook when he's not being lazier than a Nara."

"Oi, I heard that," Touya called from the kitchen.

Fuuka rolled her eyes. "Well, yes, it was intentional."

"Just for that, I'm giving your ramen to Naruto," Touya said, finally coming out of the kitchen in his bright pink apron. "You're going to have to settle with lettuce. Not even a salad, just straight lettuce."

"It's a good thing my summons are rabbits," Fuuka shot back.

"Yeah, right," Touya returned the shot. "You don't _have_ summons."

Fuuka suddenly went to the corner and sulked. "Why do you have to remind me...?"

Touya poked Kenji with a stick that he grew from his hand. "Is he unconscious or...?" He poked a certain spot and Kenji snored. "Okay, no, he's just sleeping."

Fuuka shot out from her corner like a rocket and planted a flying knee into Kenji's stomach. "WAKE THE FUCK UP." Kenji moaned in pain.

"Why...?" Kenji gasped, clutching his abused stomach. "Why must you torment me so...?"

"Because you're supposed to be awake for tonight," Fuuka muttered, just loud enough for Kenji to hear.

"Sleep," Kenji finally said, after getting his breathing under control. "How you continue to elude me." But he finally stood up and stretched. "Alright, so what's for dinner?"

"Ramen for the boy," Touya started, ignoring the outraged "Oi," from Fuuka, "no ramen for Fuuka," ignoring the even more outraged "Oi," from Fuuka, "and for the rest of us sane people I made risotto ai gamberoni and abbacchio alla cacciatora." At the uncomprehending looks from everyone in the room, Touya sighed. "The first dish is basically rice cooked in a broth and served with shrimp; the second is lamb served with a special kind of seasoning." Touya sighed as the look on everyone's face turned from confusion to enlightenment. "Right, I'll just finish it off, then." He turned back into the kitchen, muttering about uncultured swine.

Kenji chuckled. "He's outdoing himself again. Next week, he'll be trying to recreate the Hundred Days' Feast."

"What's the Hundred Day's Feast?" Naruto asked, eyes squinted in confusion. Itachi didn't say so, but he also looked interested.

Kenji was about to dismiss the question, but Fuuka answered it with a story. "Long ago, there was a king who was well-loved by everyone. He was a fair, benevolent, kind, and just king.

"Unfortunately, the king passed away at his prime, and the populace was sad. His successor tried his hardest to curry the favor back to him again, but failed miserably time and time again. So desperate was he to achieve the happiness and loyalty of his subjects, he spent all of the kingdom's money to throw this elaborate feast for many, many days. And the food was said to be amazing, and the palace was extravagant, indeed, and the people were happy, for they were free to enter the palace and eat for themselves and their families, and everyone had a job, to work on gathering the food or prepare it, so they were never restless.

"One hundred days later, the feast ended, but not because of lack of food - invading countries found that the king no longer had the forces needed to defend themselves, and swiftly took over, killing everyone. The king never understood what went wrong, even as he was executed. But the food was still there, and the invading forces took the food for themselves.

"That's the story of the Hundred Days' Feast," Fuuka finished, before smiling. "I wouldn't be surprised if Touya tried to recreate it by himself, though."

"How mean," Touya sniffed. "I'm not doing that, because I don't have the time."

"Not for lack of trying, of course," Fuuka noted.

"_One time,_" Touya hissed, embarrassed. Itachi chuckled, and everyone else laughed. When everyone finished laughing, Touya said, "But yeah, dinner's ready."

* * *

><p>"I'm stuffed," Kenji groaned, massaging his aching stomach. Naruto groaned his agreement.<p>

"Really? I could go for more," Fuuka said honestly.

"Not everyone has a black hole for a stomach like you, Fuuka," Touya admonished. Fuuka hung her head bashfully.

Kenji raised an eyebrow. "Are you calling her fat?"

"I'm calling _you_ fat," Touya retorted. "Fuuka can eat a lot because of her awesome metabolism. Hell, _Naruto_ can, too. You're just gonna get fat."

Kenji groaned again. "Probably."

"And this is what you guys get for trying to race each other," Touya shook his head disdainfully. "Kenji, you're gonna be sick. Please don't vomit on the table. Naruto, you too. Please don't vomit on the table."

Itachi coughed, getting everyone's attention. "This food was delicious," Itachi said politely. "Thank you, Touya-sama."

"It's not a problem," Touya smiled. Itachi nodded, once.

Kenji smiled. "Hey, Itachi, can you tell the old man that I don't want to be adopted into the clan?" He stretched out his shoulders. "I've been getting a lot of requests about that, but I'm not gonna accept because I'm a Jounin and, more importantly, I'm a bastard child." Itachi nodded again.

Fuuka smirked. "That didn't stop you from asking the Nara, did it?" Kenji groaned.

"Yes, well, I _am_ part-Nara on my grandmother's side," Kenji sighed. "I figured it would only be fitting to acknowledge at least _some_ of my heritage, if only to respect my grandmother." He wrinkled his nose. "Not to say my dad was a bad person, I just don't want to really deal with it."

Fuuka nodded. "That's fair. I don't want to take dad's name for much of the same reason." Then she tilted her head. "That, and I'm not really blood-related to him, but he's still my _dad,_ y'know?"

"That reminds me," Touya blinked suddenly. "Did you ever tell Naruto about that?"

"Tell me what?" Naruto went from pouting at being ignored to instantly interested the instant attention was focused on him.

"Um...about your parents?" Touya said. "She remembers them, mostly."

"_EH?!_" Naruto all but shouted. "Nee-chan, why didn't you tell me?"

Fuuka blinked. "I thought you knew that I knew our parents."

"No, I didn't!" Naruto looked angry. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Fuuka thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Maybe I just didn't feel like it." She smiled benevolently.

Naruto shrieked in anger and Fuuka merely smiled at him condescendingly.

Kenji took pity on Naruto, though, and explained. "Your mom's name was Uzumaki Kushina." At that, Naruto looked at Kenji, focusing all his meager attention onto him. Fuuka, meanwhile, stared quietly at Kenji, eyes narrowing in anger. Touya idly wondered if he'd have to step in to prevent a fight, then put the plates down and subtly, along with Itachi, moved the table away from the three of them. "And, ah, I'm not allowed to talk about your father. But your mom had long red hair like people say Fuuka's hair does, except apparently it was cleaner or something?" Kenji shrugged. "I don't know; I've never met her. Anyway, yeah, she acted a lot like you, and she was also very strong; she formed chains out of her chakra that she used to fight off even tailed beasts. That's all I really know about her."

"_Cool,_" Naruto breathed with wide eyes.

Fuuka nodded. "Yes, she certainly was," she admitted. "Much cooler than our father, even if he was the more famous one."

"Wait, who's our father?" Naruto asked.

Fuuka smiled. "Sorry, but that one we _can't_ tell you." She tilted her head. "I'm sure Kenji would _love_ to be able to tell you, except that we're forbidden by law to tell anyone. I'm not really sure why that's a law in the first place..."

Naruto squinted his eyes. "I don't know either. That seems stupid."

"Your father had a lot of enemies," Kenji explained. "The Hokage was afraid that one of those enemies would have dedicated their lives to crushing his spawn. He was a very powerful man, though, so you should take pride in that."

Fuuka frowned, and the veins around her eyes started to pulse. "Must you tell the boy _everything?_"

Kenji pretended to think for a moment, then nodded. "Yes."

Fuuka threw her arms up and walked quickly outside. The four people remaining in the room stared after her.

"I wonder what her problem is?" Kenji said blithely. Touya facepalmed.


	4. We Are Not What You Think We Are

**Chapter Four: We Are Not What You Think We Are**

Fuuka kicked a rock over with incredible force, leaving a hole where the dirt was unrooted from, and stared angrily at the tree.

She was stumped.

And not just because of the pun.

"How in the world did I even end up in this situation...?" she muttered to herself with a frown. "I swear, I was just walking, so how did I get here?"

'Here', in this case, was the Forest of Death. Normally gated up and manned by two Chuunin guards, the Forest of Death was known to be far, far away from the residential areas - including Fuuka's apartment.

"Did I, like, sign in or something?" Fuuka asked herself. "Like, I'm really not sure why I'd be here. It's, like, _how?_ Like, I didn't even go this way!"

Muttering to herself as her verbal tic bled through her speech, Fuuka ducked a wayward vine. "It's like - fuckin' - how did I, like - ya know? It's like..."

"FUCKIN' HELL!" she shouted, before slumping down. "I'm lost. How the _hell_ did I get lost?"

"Very easily," Touya said smoothly, phasing out of a tree. "You kind of just climbed in here."

"Okay," Fuuka said easily. "Now, that begs the question: _why?_"

Touya shrugged, calmly placing his hand on the tree and leaning on it. "Well, you did seem pretty mad at Kenji."

"Oh yeah," Fuuka muttered, thinking back on Kenji's backstory reveal, before shrugging. "That wouldn't have done it, though. I've been worse off; I just for the life of me can't remember how I got here, which is unusual in and of itself."

Touya shrugged. "You don't have to convince me about that, Fuuka-chan. I'm just as confused as you are."

"Were you watching me the whole time?" Fuuka asked warily, to which Touya shook his head in the negative. "Damn, so all you knew was that I was here?"

"I could pinpoint where you were based on your chakra in relation to the tree, yeah," Touya said, then frowned. "But I didn't know where you were until you kicked that rock."

"Ah, rock," Fuuka muttered angrily. "How you continue to ruin my quest of self-discovery." Touya sweat-dropped at the visible cloud of darkness surrounding Fuuka's head.

"Kenji's gonna be here soon, by the way," Touya called, and the cloud of darkness instantly disappeared. Fuuka's cloud of darkness instantly disappeared and she looked instantly brighter.

"Kenji-kun!" Then she got really angry, her hair segmenting into nine parts like her mother before her. "Damn it, that ass...!" And Touya winced at that.

"Ah...Fuuka-chan, is something wrong?"

Fuuka went back to her cheery and peppy self. "Nope!" She smiled innocently. "Just, y'know, girl stuff."

"I knew you were trouble when you walked in," Kenji said, smoothly gliding to behind Touya. "So shame on me now."

"Kenji-kun..." Fuuka's mood shifted between angry and happy multiple times, before she just gave up with a sigh. "I don't know how to feel right now."

Kenji shrugged. "I didn't get why you were so angry at me for revealing something you were going to reveal anyway."

They both had to step back at Fuuka's sudden burst of killing intent, before it just as suddenly dissipated, and Fuuka looked up at Kenji with widened, teary eyes and a quivering mouth. "Kenji-kun..._I_ wanted to tell him all of that stuff..."

"Ah," Kenji said, before wincing as Fuuka suddenly punched him in the stomach. This time, though, he was prepared for it, and managed to clench his abdominal muscles in time to catch the brunt of the force.

"YOU ASSHOLE!" Fuuka shouted, rage coloring every part of her body. "YOU SELF-RIGHTEOUS, UNMITIGATED ASSHOLE!" She started glowing red.

"Sorry?" Kenji said - well, more like questioned - as he winced at the strength of subsequent blows, before one managed to push him away and into a tree.

Touya sighed and clapped his hands together. The trees around him twisted and formed a cage around Fuuka. "Fuuka, what are you doing? Why are you so...emotionally volatile?"

"Maybe I'm pregnant, I dunno," she muttered, staring at the ground despondently. Touya blinked.

"That's impossible, though," Touya said, at the same time as Fuuka's muttering of the same thing, which made her slump even further into despair.

Kenji sniffed the air and recoiled, as if some foul stench was in the air. "Fuuka-chan...did you _bathe?_" Touya breathed lightly, not smelling anything out of the ordinary.

Fuuka suddenly broke down into tears. "No-o-o-o," she wailed. Touya blinked in confusion, then shrugged.

"Right," Touya said, turning to Kenji. "I'm out. You and Fuuka can fix up whatever your problems are. I just...can't even."

"You can't even?" Kenji asked with a smirk.

"I can't even."

"You can't even."

"I, just, I - I can't even."

"All righty then," Kenji said, strolling past Touya towards Fuuka. Touya took the opportunity to merge to the ground and get the hell away from the volatile jinchuuriki.

"What's going on, then, Fuuka-chan?" Kenji asked innocently. "What's got your panties in a twist?"

Fuuka told him, and Kenji just stood there blinking.

"Wow. Okay." Kenji wrapped an arm around Fuuka. "Bathing will take care of two of those problems, maybe three if we're lucky. Then I'll take you out to a late-night date, so dress nicely, okay?" Fuuka nodded, almost shyly. Kenji grimaced. "No food, though. We just ate." Then he smiled. "After that, we'll check out the pharmacy. Maybe they'll fix the other problems."

Kenji led Fuuka out of the training grounds and back to their apartment. Fuuka rubbed her arms and whispered, "Kenji."

"What?" Kenji asked quietly.

"I love you."

Kenji grinned, displaying his shark-like teeth, and tightened his grip on her. "Love you too." Fuuka smiled up at him, although Kenji couldn't see it, and she nuzzled into Kenji's grip.

* * *

><p>Afther their nice little outing, the two of them stumbled back into their apartment, half-drunk and clothes falling apart. Touya got up from his reading position on the couch and sighed at their antics.<p>

"Do I want to know what happened?" Touya asked calmly, even as he sought to separate the two from their drunk urges.

Kenji scoffed, half-aware of his slipping balance. "Prolly not."

"Alright then." Touya guided them both into the bath, calmly removing their clothes. "I already prepared the bath for you guys; just hurry up in there, and for the love of all of my patience, _no sex._"

Fuuka frowned, although thanks to her inebriated state it turned out more exaggerated than anything. "Yer no fun."

Touya rolled his eyes. "The soundproofing on these walls is _terrible._ I already told you that. If you _must_ do it, wait until you get into your room." And with that, he threw both of them into the bath. Clapping his hands together, he turned back to his couch.

Relaxing on the couch, he opened his book to the page he was just at. Five minutes later, he heard thumping and moans emanating from the direction of the bathroom. He sighed, stood up, walked outside, picked up a rock, walked back inside, and then threw it against the bathroom door. "I SAID NO SEX." Satisfied with their disappointed groans, he sat back down onto the couch.

Fuuka came out of the bath first, towel draped around her hair but otherwise completely nude. Touya raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it cold?" Fuuka ignored him and plopped down on the couch, right on top of him. Touya felt his other eyebrow rise up as Fuuka lazily stretched out on top of him, before she curled up into the fetal position and promptly fell asleep.

Placing his book on top of Fuuka's head, he quickly learned that she made a fantastic book holder. Touya flipped a page.

Kenji came out, rubbing his hair furiously with a towel and also being completely starkers. He took one glance at the naked Fuuka and sighed. "I'll go get a blanket."

Touya merely replied, "Bring me more books." Kenji lazily waved at him.

Fuuka nuzzled into Touya's chest. Touya couldn't quite stifle a snort. "Remember when you used to do this all the time?" He turned another page, and ignored the fact that Fuuka was completely asleep. "This would be awkward if you weren't basically my sister." He paused. "Well, it's still awkward, really." He shrugged minutely. "It's not the first time this has happened, though, so that helps."

"Here," Kenji said from the doorway, throwing a blanket at Touya. Then he threw five books consecutively, and Touya barely caught the last one properly before Kenji left. Touya sighed. "At least Kenji's not angry at you. Or me." He turned another page. "It could be worse. I could have run out of books." He wrinkled his nose. "Again." Then he looked at the blanket Kenji left. "Oh, this blanket. This is a nice one." He twisted his wrist and wood grew out of the end of the couch that his feet were, and the wood wrapped around the blanket, picking it up and adjusting it. While he did this, Fuuka nuzzled into Touya's chest again, and Touya sighed. "This is gonna be a long night."


End file.
